It's not personal...it's their problem!

Find out why it really never is you and how it's totally 100% them...



When you're in dance class and the teacher snaps at you for no reason...okay maybe you weren't giving your best turned out position...but still...this may surprise you, but their outburst has absolutely nothing to do with you, or your lack of turnout.


Just the same as when your friend forgets to text you back and you immediately think you must have done something wrong...again, not your fault/problem/issue.


The very simple thing to remember in situations like this is this...it's not personal.


It really isn't!


Whenever you find yourself at the end of someone's snap/a textless no reply or anything else that leaves you feeling like you're the bad guy...it's never about you and therefore isn't your problem and ultimately this means you can just let it go and go about your day, letting things fall off you like water off a duck's back.


The reason for this is also simple. When you feel like it's you...it's actually them. YOU may have been the trigger for their behaviour, simply because you were in front of them at the time or because of a multitude of other reasons we'll never really know, but you are not the problem.


People act out because of their own stuff going on inside their heads/in their lives at that time. Again, simpy put-no one can make someone feel anything-that is their own choice to choose those emotions they are choosing...stay with me!


Let's take our first example: your dance teacher snaps at you for your lack of turnout or something similar and immediately you feel like the bad guy...but let's delve deeper. If we were inside your dance teacher's head, we might learn that they had a difficult morning trying to deal with a family issue and were tense and on the edge of their emotions and you were just the trigger for their explosion because you were there in front of them....or they didn't sleep well and so felt grumpy and tired and you were just the trigger for their outburts...or they are feeling deflated and vulnerable because they broke up with their partner and you were just the trigger for them expressing these emotions.


It's not right, but it's human!


We all do it, every day-unless we are super duper aware every second of every day and make this a habit, even then, we may stumble and fall down again. It's just how humans work and it takes consistent hard work to work on it!


So, the next time you find yourself on the end of someone elses behaviour that triggers you into a questioning, downward spiral...stop and remind yourself 'it's not personal' and even though it might not feel good to receive their negativity (this is where you have to be the bigger person for the sake of your own sanity) choose to accept the situation for what it is, maybe even send some love their way for the suffering they're feeling and choose to let it go and remain your happy self, despite the outside circumstances.


We all are making choices in these situations and once you're aware that it's not personal (and maybe they're just tired/hungry/sad/lonely/worried etc) you can be more understanding to their behaviour and choose a better reaction for yourself, which will ultimately have a better impact on them too :)

Image by Erick Zajac

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